When Bombs Like Rain Begin to Fall - my roundelay attempt
What horrors did man conceive our superiority over all as we desecrate what we did receive with thoughtless deeds that caused our fall in our righteousness will we still believe when bombs like rain begin to fall?
As we desecrate what we did receive with thoughtless deeds that caused our fall in the end will we grieve pray for mercy for one and all? In our righteousness will we still believe when bombs like rain begin to fall?
In the end will we grieve pray for mercy for one and all or in our minds will we deceive pretend we didn't hear the call? In our righteousness will we still believe when bombs like rain begin to fall?
Or in our minds will we deceive pretend we didn't hear the call will we cry out for a reprieve on our knees beg and crawl? In our righteousness will we still believe when bombs like rain begin to fall?
Good one, you are very clever indeed. Fine poem, well done. Did you ever read the poem Still Falls the Rain, by Edith Sitwell. Powerful!!! look it up if you can find it. It's about England in the 40's and oh my goodness!
This is definitely a WOW poem!!! You had a lot of great imagery and realism in it as well as using a very difficult form. If you hadn't done it, I doubt very much that I would have tried it.
You did a terrific job anti-formatting this poem! I enjoyed reading it because even though it had no form at all it still had charm and I loved the last line!
Sorry I've been missing again. Instructor is gone. Pictures are posted. The local newspaper is going to do an article about an 8 year old autistic boy who take karate with us, along with another autistic boy at another school. It's Autism Awareness month. Caught up with my senryu at least. Daily poetry is really more than I can do anymore. Sigh... I guess I need to retire again...
Secrets slither down hallways concealed by doorways eclipsed by shadows.
Her red lips, red hair red dress, shimmer in dim light as the door opens.
"Stop," she cautions, then views the intruder, smiles with invitation.
Case of mistaken identity, so like him, she discerns too late
it was not bright, door unlocked, unprotected. One can intrude unheard.
"Pizza?" he inquired. Pepperoni, sausage. Smells waft across the room.
Memories flood her senses, family dinners, Friday gatherings.
"So like your father," she says, "thought you were a ghost come back to haunt me."
"I battle that ghost each day." her visitor puts forth. "He's never gone."
A good deal of time has passed since their last meeting yet they do not touch.
"You should, could, have warned, prepared my marrow for this abrupt reunion.
Why now?" she laments, purses her red lips, turns her red dress to the wall.
She slumps, a spider luring prey, feels arms surround, capture completed.
"Let's eat some pizza before it gets cold, but you must hear my report."
Words tight, a coiled spring ready to release, trigger savage explosions.
Deflects, takes a bite of pizza. "My favorite. But you always were."
"You loved only him, forsaking us for one kiss, promises unkept.
Now you want reports, tell me I'm your favorite, so much temptation.
Your velvet threads weave webs I do not understand. Tangled, intimate."
Secrets slither down concentric arcs of complex silk disturbances,
persist toward center, dangerous information, bleeding edge of pain.
A rose in red dress, her red lips speak sharp like thorns, words destroy her prey.
Like dancers, fighters, take measure of the other, they find their balance.
It's not poetry, there is no form to their stance, cannot hold the line.
the stars are very far away each one of the could be a sun some could have planets so they say to find one would be so much fun I think people will find it one day maybe there will be an earth like one
some could have planets so they say to find one would be so much fun we could start over in a different way not pollute it like we've done I think people will find it one day maybe there will be an earth like one
we could start over in a different way not pollute it like we've done we could keep prejudice at bay and everybody could live as one I think people will find it one day maybe there will be an earth like one
we could keep prejudice at bay and everybody could live as one we might live in peace one day on a new planet with an earth like sun I think people will find it one day maybe there will be an earth like one
Please be kind...this is my first attempt at a Roundelay! It is a very difficult form. I have to admit that it was fun and if I had more time I would have probably edited this one a bunch of times but, my day was busy and it took this long to get it written.
this is beautiful! and I read right over the typo. funny how we read the word as it's supposed to be. this is not an easy form so kudos on the great job!
I read right over the typo too. And this may be your first roundelay, but it's far from your first poem in form. You do well with pantoums, it's natural you'd do well with this. Very nice.
pretty sure most alien planets will be covered in crocodiles and huge octopus like things. smarter than over evolved monkeys. trillions of planets out there. to quote eric idle " i hope there is intelligent life out there, 'cos there is bugger all down here " - love and peace - paul.
days late, but once again written on the day of the promt, which was suplied by my spy ladies.
NO RULES
poetry should be free from rules and regulation so it can appeal to everyone. from every nation
i don't care how many syllables it's got as long as it comes from the heart and the gut sometimes rules get you stuck in a rut and your imagination begins to rot
i rhyme 'cos i want to but i prefer the poetry of mahala blu that g.p. girl was raw, down to the bone with no attempt to rhyme. no rules and no tone.
nope never liked the rules. probably why i left school at 15 and didn't bother going to most of my exams......i had better things to do - cats woofing and cats meoing - paul
Horrors! No way I can figure that one out!!! Anti form poem, eh. Hmmmm...
ReplyDeletenope. you lost me too. no time to figure it out either. i'll give this one a miss - love and peace - paul.
DeleteWhen Bombs Like Rain Begin to Fall - my roundelay attempt
ReplyDeleteWhat horrors did man conceive
our superiority over all
as we desecrate what we did receive
with thoughtless deeds that caused our fall
in our righteousness will we still believe
when bombs like rain begin to fall?
As we desecrate what we did receive
with thoughtless deeds that caused our fall
in the end will we grieve
pray for mercy for one and all?
In our righteousness will we still believe
when bombs like rain begin to fall?
In the end will we grieve
pray for mercy for one and all
or in our minds will we deceive
pretend we didn't hear the call?
In our righteousness will we still believe
when bombs like rain begin to fall?
Or in our minds will we deceive
pretend we didn't hear the call
will we cry out for a reprieve
on our knees beg and crawl?
In our righteousness will we still believe
when bombs like rain begin to fall?
Good one, you are very clever indeed. Fine poem, well done. Did you ever read the poem Still Falls the Rain, by Edith Sitwell. Powerful!!! look it up if you can find it. It's about England in the 40's and oh my goodness!
DeleteWow. This is awesome. I really want to try a roundaley. You did an amazing job with it. Powerful and chilling.
DeleteThis is definitely a WOW poem!!! You had a lot of great imagery and realism in it as well as using a very difficult form. If you hadn't done it, I doubt very much that I would have tried it.
Deletenice one bonita. i'm posting a couple of days late on this one.......damn trains!!
DeleteAnti Form, Pro Form or Formless
ReplyDeleteAm I against form in poetry?
I think no, though sometimes
I like to write in lines that just for me
spell out what I mean to say
in the way I mean to say it.
Still, sonnets come easy
as do senryu and haiku.
What might anti form be?
Is it against or opposite?
Across the way stands a word
Has anyone mentioned it?
Or does it lurk, unheard?
I love it! I hadn't thought about anti-form as a concept. And I like it that you didn't rhyme or have any sort of form to it.
DeleteYou did a terrific job anti-formatting this poem! I enjoyed reading it because even though it had no form at all it still had charm and I loved the last line!
Deleterules are there for a reason, in most cases. but i don't like them - love and punk poetry - paul.
Deletegood write and good question. last year i wrote a poem, in form, about not liking the form chosen for that prompt - yep! it was a sonnet! lol
ReplyDeleteSorry I've been missing again. Instructor is gone. Pictures are posted. The local newspaper is going to do an article about an 8 year old autistic boy who take karate with us, along with another autistic boy at another school. It's Autism Awareness month. Caught up with my senryu at least. Daily poetry is really more than I can do anymore. Sigh... I guess I need to retire again...
ReplyDeleteSecrets slither down
hallways concealed by doorways
eclipsed by shadows.
Her red lips, red hair
red dress, shimmer in dim light
as the door opens.
"Stop," she cautions, then
views the intruder, smiles
with invitation.
Case of mistaken
identity, so like him,
she discerns too late
it was not bright, door
unlocked, unprotected. One
can intrude unheard.
"Pizza?" he inquired.
Pepperoni, sausage. Smells
waft across the room.
Memories flood her
senses, family dinners,
Friday gatherings.
"So like your father,"
she says, "thought you were a ghost
come back to haunt me."
"I battle that ghost
each day." her visitor puts
forth. "He's never gone."
A good deal of time
has passed since their last meeting
yet they do not touch.
"You should, could, have warned,
prepared my marrow for this
abrupt reunion.
Why now?" she laments,
purses her red lips, turns her
red dress to the wall.
She slumps, a spider
luring prey, feels arms surround,
capture completed.
"Let's eat some pizza
before it gets cold, but you
must hear my report."
Words tight, a coiled spring
ready to release, trigger
savage explosions.
Deflects, takes a bite
of pizza. "My favorite.
But you always were."
"You loved only him,
forsaking us for one kiss,
promises unkept.
Now you want reports,
tell me I'm your favorite,
so much temptation.
Your velvet threads weave
webs I do not understand.
Tangled, intimate."
Secrets slither down
concentric arcs of complex
silk disturbances,
persist toward center,
dangerous information,
bleeding edge of pain.
A rose in red dress,
her red lips speak sharp like thorns,
words destroy her prey.
Like dancers, fighters,
take measure of the other,
they find their balance.
It's not poetry,
there is no form to their stance,
cannot hold the line.
great!!! it is surprising how you managed to keep the flow of this poem going this whole month! And still managed to follow the prompts! Good job!
DeleteI don't know how you do it and am in admiration beyond words.
Delete" i walk the line " - johnny cash.
Deletegreat job keeping the story flowing while following the prompts. this can't be easy!
ReplyDeletethe stars are very far away
ReplyDeleteeach one of the could be a sun
some could have planets so they say
to find one would be so much fun
I think people will find it one day
maybe there will be an earth like one
some could have planets so they say
to find one would be so much fun
we could start over in a different way
not pollute it like we've done
I think people will find it one day
maybe there will be an earth like one
we could start over in a different way
not pollute it like we've done
we could keep prejudice at bay
and everybody could live as one
I think people will find it one day
maybe there will be an earth like one
we could keep prejudice at bay
and everybody could live as one
we might live in peace one day
on a new planet with an earth like sun
I think people will find it one day
maybe there will be an earth like one
Please be kind...this is my first attempt at a Roundelay! It is a very difficult form. I have to admit that it was fun and if I had more time I would have probably edited this one a bunch of times but, my day was busy and it took this long to get it written.
DeleteOf course there is a typo in the second line!!! doggone it!!!
Deletethis is beautiful! and I read right over the typo. funny how we read the word as it's supposed to be. this is not an easy form so kudos on the great job!
DeleteThank you, Bonnie! I have to try this one again once we get back on a weekly schedule. The form has great potential for very powerful poetry!!!
DeleteI read right over the typo too. And this may be your first roundelay, but it's far from your first poem in form. You do well with pantoums, it's natural you'd do well with this. Very nice.
DeleteSo lovely and so loving. Just like you! Powerful, yes, I'd rather write a sonnet! I suppose that's a bit cowardly. Perhaps one day I'll try one.
Deletepretty sure most alien planets will be covered in crocodiles and huge octopus like things. smarter than over evolved monkeys. trillions of planets out there. to quote eric idle " i hope there is intelligent life out there, 'cos there is bugger all down here " - love and peace - paul.
Deletedays late, but once again written on the day of the promt, which was suplied by my spy ladies.
ReplyDeleteNO RULES
poetry should be free from rules and regulation
so it can appeal to everyone. from every nation
i don't care how many syllables it's got
as long as it comes from the heart and the gut
sometimes rules get you stuck in a rut
and your imagination begins to rot
i rhyme 'cos i want to
but i prefer the poetry of mahala blu
that g.p. girl was raw, down to the bone
with no attempt to rhyme. no rules and no tone.
good rap, have you performed this one?
Deleteperformed it in the library and got sshhhhhh'd tash.
Deletenicely expressed... but then you never did like rules :-)
ReplyDeletenope never liked the rules. probably why i left school at 15 and didn't bother going to most of my exams......i had better things to do - cats woofing and cats meoing - paul
ReplyDelete