From Writer's Digest PAD Challenge:
With hindsight, this probably would’ve been a more natural prompt two days ago on Earth Day. Oh well, nobody’s perfect.
For today’s prompt, write a nature poem. Could be nature like trees, leaves, grass, birds, etc. Or your poem could tackle human nature. Another possibility is to look at the nature of technology or the interaction of planets around each other and the sun. Or well, the nature of poetry! When in doubt, just see what happens naturally.
Remember: These prompts are just springboards; you have the freedom to jump in any direction you want. In other words, it’s more important to write a new poem than to stick to the prompt.
I can see a birch tree from where I sit.
ReplyDeleteWhite and gray with tiny spring buds growing.
It is one of three birches standing tall.
They lean slightly away from each other.
I remember a birch tree from my youth.
It was only one and it also leaned.
I never before wanted to know why?
But why? Like a plant leaning to the sun?
This morning there are young deer foraging.
Their winter fur is still a grayish brown.
One nibbles on the green grass near the birch.
One looks up checking for a sign to run.
Facing east I now see the sun rising.
Honking geese above disturbs the quiet.
Slowly the deer stroll towards the woods path
I see my cat in the grass watching too!
Just a ten syllable story. Trying to lengthen my efforts. I might revise to make it rhyme.
This is beautiful. Doesn't need to rhyme. After all, nature varies.
DeleteI don't think it needs to rhyme either -- and I'm not sure you need to stick to a ten-syllable line. Trust your ear, trust the feel of the line. Visually it's wonderful, your description of the scene.
DeleteIt reminds me of Robert Frost's poem "Birches," which you should read. Here's how it starts:
When I see birches bend to left and right
Across the lines of straighter darker trees,
I like to think some boy's been swinging them.
But swinging doesn't bend them down to stay
As ice-storms do. Often you must have seen them
Loaded with ice a sunny winter morning
After a rain. They click upon themselves
As the breeze rises, and turn many-colored
As the stir cracks and crazes their enamel.
Frost writes an accentual-syllabic line - that is to say, you count not only the number of syllables but the number of accented syllables -- every other one gets an accent. Another name for this - ten syllables, accent on every other one - is iambic pentameter. Frost is such a genius that he can keep to the strict meter and still make it sound loose and conversational.
If this starts to get long and boring, you don't have to read it. I can tend to go on.
You could pretty easily tighten up your meter -- it's almost there. Looking at the last stanza -- I hear it as trochaic pentameter -- ten syllables, five accents, but the pattern is DA da DA da (trochaic) instead of da DA da DA (iambic). In the first line you could cut off a syllable at the beginning (there's a name for this too), and you could switch around to make the last line iambic, which is fine - brings it to a conclusion.
Now, facing east, I see the sun rise.
Honking geese above disturb the quiet.
Deer are strolling slowly toward the woods path--
I see my cat in tall grass watching too!
Or, showing the accents:
NOW, FACing EAST i SEE the SUN rise.
HONKing GEESE aBOVE disTURB the QUIet.
DEER are STROLLing SLOWly TOWARD the WOODS path--
i SEE my CAT in TALL grass WATCHing TOO!
I changed it to tall grass so you're not stuck with
i SEE my CAT in THE grass
But "tall grass" isn't really a very good line - maybe there's something better.
I love this and I agree with my sister that it needs no rhyme. The flow of words and the beat of the cadence of the words is plenty to keep us till the end! I think this is a great poem.
DeleteAhhhh. Ok. I didn’t know about accent syllables.
DeleteIt's fun, isn't it? Learning about new ways to write. I've learned a lot here myself. However, I think your poem reads just fine without rhyme or accented syllables. It makes its own rhythm nicely.
DeleteI like this poem; it is filled with imagery that I can feel, see, smell! I like it without rhyme.
DeleteWe walk up Lofty Heights.
ReplyDeleteYour thighs hurt.
I am out of breath,
far too quickly,
trying to exercise.
Green leaf buds
turned our brown walk green.
Soon, full trees will
canopy the rutted
old dirt road.
Hear the birds.
You can name them all.
I can't. We trudge
up, knowing the return
trip is down.
That's definitely nature. I enjoyed your walk. In fact it was so well written I could feel the doggone hill! Great poem!
DeleteBIG yes to what Linda said, and a smile for the natural effect of the poem. Masterful!
DeleteI am with you all the way... love the analogy of “canopy over the old rutted dirt road!” I would also have tucked away in my mind that the return was down hill!
DeleteNice! What style is this called?
ReplyDeleteThis is Tad's 5/4 form. Four repeating line lengths but 5 lines per stanza so it doesn't look like a form.
DeleteWhat’s repeating? I can’t seem to match a pattern. Syllables? What’s 5. What’s 4?
DeleteLOL. I actually messed it up, so I can't even explain it. The last 2 stanzas are not supposed to have the same syllable counts and they do. Next time I do one, I'll explain, or you can ask Tad.
DeleteIt’s a repeating pattern of 3, 4,, 5 and 6 syllables, in any order. In Victoria’s case it’s 6-3-5-4. Normally, a pattern like this would make up a whole stanza, like your 1-2-4-7-7 poems. Every stanza is 1-2-4-7-7. But in my form the pattern repeats every 4 lines, but the stanza is 5 lines long. So the first stanza is 6-3-5-4-6, the second stanza is 3-5-4-6-3, the third stanza is 5-4-3-6-5. If you were following my pattern exactly, the poem would be 5 stanzas long, so the last one is exactly the same pattern as the first. I’ve done a whole book of them.
DeleteI’ll post one below, written for the Nature theme.
Deletethe natural beauty
ReplyDeleteof a woman's curves
lieing beside her love
mold gently
into his masculinity
she conforms candidly
to the harder
less pliable form
breasts like cushions
take on a warm embrace
stomach warms his back
and legs all akimbo
cling to his
eager essence
Nice imagery. I love spooning. "lieing" should either be "lying" or "laying". I never could figure out which to use when.
DeleteLying. Lying is an intransitive verb - you just do it. laying is a transitive verb - you do it to something (or someone). I liked the poem. Very sensual. Or sensuous. I never can figure out which to use when.
DeleteKurosawa
ReplyDeletedreamed of a wedding
of foxes
the boy who watched
could never return home
and even
little teddy bears
are dangerous
if you interrupt
their picnic
don’t go to the woods
and best not to
stay at home either
no safer
your cat has designs
your parakeet
and don’t get
me started on humans
they want that sex stuff
and even worse
if they don’t
best to ride the subway
pack some sandwiches
and a thermos
Escape, eh? Bwahaha, even on the subway, watch out in the tunnels. And did he eve return? No he never rturned, and his fate...Ah, shhh!
DeleteLOL. Kurosawa and the Teddy Bear's Picnic. Could be a movie. And I never realized it was supposed to have five stanzas. Now that I do I will have to write another ... correctly.
DeleteMy Gratitude to Nature
ReplyDeleteNature has been my inspiration
for so many poems, and my elation
at seeing it glowing in all its glory
makes me insist I must tell its story--
Describing the spring and singing the fall,
yet how can I ever describe it all?
for Nature's lovely, endless display
fills me with joy in every way.
Yes, yes! Where I live is sometimes depressing in its "red state"ness, but the area is so beautiful it almost makes up for it. As you say, it "fills me with joy in every way".
Delete