From Writer's Digest PAD Challenge:
For today’s prompt, write an isolation poem. For many, this is a very real and present subject. And for me, I’ve found that social distancing and staying at home has actually made it harder for me to find the isolation my introverted soul needs to recharge—so I actually wake up before anyone else to get a little alone time. But isolation existed before COVID-19 as well. So there are plenty of ways to dive into this one.
Remember: These prompts are just springboards; you have the freedom to jump in any direction you want. In other words, it’s more important to write a new poem than to stick to the prompt.
self isolated
ReplyDeletefor six weeks now
I’ve fulfilled a lot of goals
I cannot see my children
that hurts my heart
you know
but we text and share
the internet
they work and do not isolate
I’m old and weak of lungs
this virus kills the old
and tasks the lungs
so, out of fear for life
I isolate and will not leave
my home
not until it’s safe, at least
if everyone would do the same
the bug would cease to be
so, everyone
Please, stay at home
we’ll win this war
real quick
self isolate, don’t wait
til they force you into it
This is good, but it's one of those poems that could really benefit from tightening at a second draft -- look for anything that you've already said. Repetition can be a powerful device, which is why songs and poems have refrains, but it doesn't always add to the poem. And sometimes there are things you don't need to say, because you can count on the reader understanding them even if you don't say them, and then not saying them becomes more powerful. One example -- and others may disagree with me, this isn't a science - "that hurts my heart." For me, if you just say
DeleteI’ve fulfilled a lot of goals
I cannot see my children
you know
but we text and share
I feel the hurt in your heart much more than if I'm specifically told that it's there.
I like this too. If you want to start a critique group, here's a good place to start. LOL
DeleteThis damn virus. So many painful distancing results just to stay alive. I feel you in your poem shorter or longer.
DeletePruning is good, yet your basic structure is very sound and pruning will just prey it up a bit.
DeleteAn older poem about isolation.
ReplyDeleteHERMETIC POEM
There's a room without lint
its doorknobs are conductors
sensitive to what
we are not told
There's a naked man inside
his fingernails are eyelashes
he's drawing a circle
on the floor
in his own pure urine
he bisects the wall
with a sharp line
The circle becomes molten gold
the line is soon fire
a horizontal flame
When the ends flicker up
the doorknob
is laced with blood filaments
when they tip down
it's the freckled blue
of a robin's egg
Strange imagery.
DeleteIsolation’ll do that to you
DeleteTempted to reference a dream interpretation book for this one. So many cross references.
DeleteBrrr! Scary poem.
DeleteUhhhhh, ummmmm, This sounds like a “Don Juan experience.”
DeleteI thought
ReplyDeleteisolation
would be my preference,
stay at home, not deal with people.
I thought.
To the point!
DeleteYes,me too. Well said.
DeleteJust right for a cinquain.
ReplyDeleteWhy
ReplyDeleteam I
so late to day?
To pause a lone. Stay at home.
A void co vid. Be so late.
Its
O K
to be so late.
No pay meant. No fees. No do(s).
A loan on time. I so late.
Be
so late.
Be late for this.
Be late for that. I so late,
you so late, we all so late.
So
we live
to be and do.
To get her and him and them.
It won’t be to late by then.
I liked the way you played with the words, this is a fun one.
DeleteBreaking up words into smaller monosyllabic units moves from disconcerting to downright creepy. Very effective,
DeleteYes, effective and brings out the rhythm of the poem even more. Reminds me of the speaking quirks of the Hare in Alice in Wonderland.
DeleteAlone by Myself
ReplyDeleteOnce when I was four,
(true story)
I was put down for a nap
all alone and lonely, at my grandmother's. They
locked the door.
They left me a
chamber pot but no
toilet paper, and alas
when I needed to I
had to tear off parts of
the old curtains to use.
For long afterward
my grandmother
would point out the
raggedy curtains
and no one commended me
for being creative.
Creative indeed!
DeleteTRUE! This was abuse! I would think it left a memory with scarring pain.
DeleteWow. Quite a story. Is this an old one? I swear it sounds familiar.
DeleteFear to Health
ReplyDeleteFear of malady forged isolation
And the Shadow of Death hovered
Over the nations
And people covered
Their faces.
Fear of others forced distance
And the Shadow of Character gazed
In the mirror
And people felt
Their loneliness..
Fear of unknown caused consternation
And the Shadow of Horror stole
From their breath
And people fought
Their mortality.
Fear of isolation wrought reflection
And the Shadow of Courage altered
From timid focus
And people counted
Their allies.
Fear of depletion mustered synergy
And the Shadow of Discipline bonded
In innermost being
And people organized
Their labor.
Fear of darkness found light
And the Shadow of the Great Spirit stirred
Over the illness
And people regained
Their health.
Anaphora. Starting lines with the same word or phrase. Used very effectively here.
DeleteYes, a very effective poem. It has a lot of power.
DeleteNice ending.
ReplyDeleteI liked this one a lot and how nicely you brought it around. Good Job!!!
ReplyDelete