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Sunday, October 28, 2018
7 lines
I love this prompt from Tad. Sorry I'm so late posting it. Write a poem that is exactly seven lines long, and ends in a different location from where it started.
I will write one myself for this, but meanwhile, I accidentally texted the prompt to my brother, who has just finished moving back east after three decades in New Mexico, and he immediately responded with this:
SEVEN LINES, CHANGE LOCATION
We started out from Santa Fe We headed East by Interstate We had some trouble on the way Our clutch, it seems, was not so great. But still, we only lost a day, We beat the movers, met them there At 2 Grove Terrace, in Montclair.
Yes, I was wondering the very same thing...can it be metaphorically???? I think that would broaden our chances for differences in our poetry. Otherwise, I think it will be a little redundant...maybe...I don't know...just confused a little
At twenty-four I leave America travel by plane to a foreign shore the Lufthansa so big it frightens me Flies us across the ocean and the sea Germany tour
I like this, and I like the form...I didn’t know it existed. Maybe I’ll try to work in it, too. I like the America/Lufthansa rhyme. I’d really like to see see you do some more work on it, especially the last two lines. It’s a bit of a letdown to end by saying she’s taking a tour. You have youth, you have fear - but bravery too. I want to see it pay off more than it does in the last two lines.
Start with line one Another line makes two. Add a third line, make it that much more fun. Fourth line to do. We are up to five! Wow! Here's a sixth line of a septanelle, now seven. We're done.
You never dip Your oar in the same stream Twice. Don’t bother trying. You’re not so hip As you might seem. That peak in Darien Won’t change your life. Stay home and change within. It’s worth the trip.
Yours is more ambitious than mine. There’s a lot there. I would love to see you work on it more. It’s a harder form than it looks, because of that jump from 6 to 10 syllables.
Yeah, I noticed the big jump even in my silly one. And I love this. I'm having fun with reading just the first and last lines of the poems to see how they fit the prompt, and mostly they kind of read like their own little poems.
for a time i lived in heaven at the time i was forty seven but my bread failed to levern used to have an amp that went up to eleven lost it all down the wishing well many tales i will never tell now i mostly live in hell.
was gonna put an eighth line just to be a rebel....but behaved myself for a change - paul.
thanks bonita. quite a journey. if i could have sneaked an eighth line in, it would be " now i toll the division bell " but i can't, so i wont - love and peace - paul.
not very good with video's and smart phones vic. i just tend to perform for the moment. i took over the mic in bar loco last night. they needed a crowbar to get me off stage ha ha - 7 wonders of the world - paul.
it started in america, with yul brynner, the cool one steve mc queen never shot wrong james coburn never missed with a knife robert vaugh never had a wife when charles bronson was cool horst buckoltz was the young punk fool the last one i can't remember, but seven samurai went to mexico to show eli wallach he didn't belong....." ride on ".
as you may have guessed " the magnificent seven " is one of my favourite films. also the title of an incredible clash triple album
thanks vic. just a bit of fun. i like writing about old movies. new movies are rubbish. a bunch of giant robots beating each other up for no particular reason hmmmmm hardly cary grant is it? - black and white paul.
he was called harry in the film, but i can't remember the actors name. " you came back! a man like you, for a place like this " - eli wallach's horse ha ha. just a bit of fun. the first one is the serious one, that scared the library ladies - paul.
there is a huge replica map of the city in the museum. i said to the lady " i could carry that around all day and i'd still get lost " ha ha - i only be using pirate maps aaarrrrgggghhh - paul.
This started as a kid poem, but it didn't go there, so I modified a bit. Now it's just depressing. LOL
I wake up, dread getting up. Dressed, fed, brushed and groomed, I'm off to work, can't get ahead. So rushed, rushed, rushed all day long, keep up and follow, like sheep, till back to bed.
REminds me of me some days, ah, to be a kid with no responsibilities...Oh well, sometimes the old days look better from the future and the past glitters like pyrite.
there was a feast on Jupiter that day so long ago ran out of fuel on Saturn the natives played some wild songs did some bongs of flugg on Mars but, I missed the planet of my birth when I saw the green and blue of earth!
stop being unknown wolfie. little story. i knew a nice, but very daft woman called chelsea. who didn't understand anything at all. i tried explaining that jupiter was a massive gas giant planet. mostly hydrogen and helium, with at least 26 moons and rings.....she looked at me and said " so it's a big shiny thing in the sky? " i said " yes chelsea. it's a big shiny thing in the sky" she was so pleased that she got something right......in many ways, she is right. jupiter is a big shiny thing - bongs on mars - love paul.
Many years ago I was born in Manhattan. I didn't stay long. We moved to Massachusetts Where I spent much of my life And I do love it Though I'd be okay to move.
When it is my time I hope to die in my bed Surrounded by love Although to be sure I hope That I will be much older. And then let go With a sigh and a prayer.
I will write one myself for this, but meanwhile, I accidentally texted the prompt to my brother, who has just finished moving back east after three decades in New Mexico, and he immediately responded with this:
ReplyDeleteSEVEN LINES, CHANGE LOCATION
We started out from Santa Fe
We headed East by Interstate
We had some trouble on the way
Our clutch, it seems, was not so great.
But still, we only lost a day,
We beat the movers, met them there
At 2 Grove Terrace, in Montclair.
love it! well done! hope your brother will write more for other prompts.
Deletesounds like a pretty smooth move. i usually lose half my stuff and end up in the wrong place - paul.
DeleteAwesome that your brother did the prompt, and I love the poem. Do I remember reading something that the two of you are working on a new novel?
DeleteIs that different places literally, to start and end? Like the one in the poem? or metaphorically? Pardon my need for clarification? Thanks!
ReplyDeleteYes, I was wondering the very same thing...can it be metaphorically???? I think that would broaden our chances for differences in our poetry. Otherwise, I think it will be a little redundant...maybe...I don't know...just confused a little
DeleteI would think like any other prompt it is use your imagination as long as you stay within the guidelines
DeleteAny prompt is better if you subvert it a little. And just because I picked up on Bonnie’s form doesn’t mean anyone else has to.
DeleteGoing Places (a septanelle)
ReplyDeleteAt twenty-four
I leave America
travel by plane to a foreign shore
the Lufthansa
so big it frightens me
Flies us across the ocean and the sea
Germany tour
Septanelle rhyme scheme
a/b/a/b/c/c/a
syllables
4/6/10/4/6/10/4
I like this, and I like the form...I didn’t know it existed. Maybe I’ll try to work in it, too. I like the America/Lufthansa rhyme. I’d really like to see see you do some more work on it, especially the last two lines. It’s a bit of a letdown to end by saying she’s taking a tour. You have youth, you have fear - but bravery too. I want to see it pay off more than it does in the last two lines.
Deleteyeah, germans can be big and scary - love - paul.
DeleteI agree Tad. I knew it needed a better ending but got lost and couldn't come up with anything. I will work on it.
DeleteLove it and love the form. I did my funny one. I'm going to do a real one too.
DeleteVery clever, as always, a good one.
DeleteCouldn't resist.
ReplyDeleteStart with line one
Another line makes two.
Add a third line, make it that much more fun.
Fourth line to do.
We are up to five! Wow!
Here's a sixth line of a septanelle, now
seven. We're done.
Billy Collins has a sonnet like this.
Deleteplaying with numbers vic. like it - one, two love to you - paul.
Deletelmbo! love it!!!
DeleteI know Billy Collins did it. I'm afraid that's where I stole it from. LOL.
DeleteClever, and fun!
DeleteYou never dip
ReplyDeleteYour oar in the same stream
Twice. Don’t bother trying. You’re not so hip
As you might seem.
That peak in Darien
Won’t change your life. Stay home and change within.
It’s worth the trip.
and it was worth the read! yours flows much better than mine even though it's the same form... hmmmmm... yeah I have to work on mine.
DeleteYours is more ambitious than mine. There’s a lot there. I would love to see you work on it more. It’s a harder form than it looks, because of that jump from 6 to 10 syllables.
DeleteYeah, I noticed the big jump even in my silly one. And I love this. I'm having fun with reading just the first and last lines of the poems to see how they fit the prompt, and mostly they kind of read like their own little poems.
DeleteYes it is, and I like the poem's directness
Deletereminded me of an old buddhist saying " you can't step on the same piece of water twice " - paul.
ReplyDeleteDESCENDING
ReplyDeletefor a time i lived in heaven
at the time i was forty seven
but my bread failed to levern
used to have an amp that went up to eleven
lost it all down the wishing well
many tales i will never tell
now i mostly live in hell.
was gonna put an eighth line just to be a rebel....but behaved myself for a change - paul.
wonderfully done! love this one!
Deletethanks bonita. quite a journey. if i could have sneaked an eighth line in, it would be " now i toll the division bell " but i can't, so i wont - love and peace - paul.
DeleteI really wish I could see you perform. This is another I can just imagine live. Do you video?
Deletenot very good with video's and smart phones vic. i just tend to perform for the moment. i took over the mic in bar loco last night. they needed a crowbar to get me off stage ha ha - 7 wonders of the world - paul.
DeleteI like it, clever rhymes oo.
Deletethanks tash. like the shape of this one - love and peace - paul.
DeleteTHE MAGNIFICENT SEVEN
ReplyDeleteit started in america, with yul brynner, the cool one
steve mc queen never shot wrong
james coburn never missed with a knife
robert vaugh never had a wife
when charles bronson was cool
horst buckoltz was the young punk fool
the last one i can't remember, but seven samurai went to mexico to show eli wallach he didn't belong....." ride on ".
as you may have guessed " the magnificent seven " is one of my favourite films. also the title of an incredible clash triple album
well done!!!
Deletethanks bonita. quote " you came back....a man like you. for a place like this? "
DeleteI like it and like the others, the first and last lines are almost a poem all by themselves.
Deletethanks vic. just a bit of fun. i like writing about old movies. new movies are rubbish. a bunch of giant robots beating each other up for no particular reason hmmmmm hardly cary grant is it? - black and white paul.
DeleteNice poem, nicely put.Actually, there are a few good ones,I avoid the conflict ones and opt for the fun.
Deletesometimes conflict is unavoidable tash, if you need to do what is right - my hat is cooler though ha ha - paul.
DeleteGood job. The last one was the guy who was sure there was hidden gold.
ReplyDeletehe was called harry in the film, but i can't remember the actors name. " you came back! a man like you, for a place like this " - eli wallach's horse ha ha. just a bit of fun. the first one is the serious one, that scared the library ladies - paul.
ReplyDeleteYou are here
ReplyDeletesays the map at the mall
but am I really here
at all?
follow the red line
to another somewhere
To get from here to there!
This is lovely and fun.
Deletethere is a huge replica map of the city in the museum. i said to the lady " i could carry that around all day and i'd still get lost " ha ha - i only be using pirate maps aaarrrrgggghhh - paul.
DeleteI love this. It can be read on many levels. It could almost be a kid poem, taken literally. But has deeper adult meaning too.
DeleteOh this is a cute one, you really had fun!
DeleteI am so impressed by all these poems! I'll get to it after I send out my stuff and vet my email.
ReplyDeleteThis started as a kid poem, but it didn't go there, so I modified a bit. Now it's just depressing. LOL
ReplyDeleteI wake up, dread
getting up. Dressed, fed, brushed
and groomed, I'm off to work, can't get ahead.
So rushed, rushed, rushed
all day long, keep
up and follow, like sheep,
till back to bed.
yes it is a bit depressing but it is reality. well done!
Deleteyep, sometimes I just want to stay in bed because I know it's going to be one of "those" days! You described it well!
DeleteUnknown is me, Linda, again!
Deletesometimes getting out of bed can be a terrible mistake wolfie. can lead to all kinds of trouble - pulling the blankets up nice and tight - paul.
DeleteREminds me of me some days, ah, to be a kid with no responsibilities...Oh well, sometimes the old days look better from the future and the past glitters like pyrite.
Deletethere was a feast on Jupiter
ReplyDeletethat day so long ago
ran out of fuel on Saturn
the natives played some wild songs
did some bongs of flugg on Mars
but, I missed the planet of my birth
when I saw the green and blue of earth!
How in the heck I became "Unknown" I will never know but this is Linda!!! I'll try to get my name up this time!
Deletelove it! fun but also a lovely write. but unknown :-) maybe you should go to Cheers where everyone knows your name... he he he
Deletestop being unknown wolfie. little story. i knew a nice, but very daft woman called chelsea. who didn't understand anything at all. i tried explaining that jupiter was a massive gas giant planet. mostly hydrogen and helium, with at least 26 moons and rings.....she looked at me and said " so it's a big shiny thing in the sky? " i said " yes chelsea. it's a big shiny thing in the sky" she was so pleased that she got something right......in many ways, she is right. jupiter is a big shiny thing - bongs on mars - love paul.
DeleteSo YOU'RE "Unknown." I've read a lot of your poetry! LOL. I like this one.
DeleteLiving
ReplyDeleteMany years ago
I was born in Manhattan.
I didn't stay long.
We moved to Massachusetts
Where I spent much of my life
And I do love it
Though I'd be okay to move.
this doesn't fit the prompt as written
DeleteI was born in Manhattan
many years ago
didn't stay long
spent much of my life
in the new place
though I'd be okay to move
Massachusetts is now my home
OK, I thought moving to anotther place was being in a differen place, so I ues I was incorrect. YOur restructuring was very kind.
DeleteDying
ReplyDeleteWhen it is my time
I hope to die in my bed
Surrounded by love
Although to be sure I hope
That I will be much older.
And then let go
With a sigh and a prayer.
same with this one...
DeleteI hope to die in bed
surrounded by love
when it's my time to go
Although I hope to be older
then let go
my spirit move on to other planes
start one place and end up in another
Guess I was just not literal enough, thanks.
Deleteit has to do with the style requested... start in one place (line 1) and end up in another place (line 7).
Deletebonita is right tash. they don't fit the promt, but we are rebels and break all the rules ha ha - love paul.
DeleteA bit late with my extended Tankas.
ReplyDelete