From Tasha:
It's really spring, at last, and nature is blossoming. Write about flowers, or flowering, use the metaphorical meaning, the actuarial physical or emotional, symbolic one...
It's really spring, at last, and nature is blossoming. Write about flowers, or flowering, use the metaphorical meaning, the actuarial physical or emotional, symbolic one...
I'm not a haiku writer - have never written one. But flowers seem to call for a haiku, so I'll try one.
ReplyDeleteyellow daffodils
come first and just a sprinkling
then the white ones wow
Deleteit's a perfect and rightous haiku! Good show!!
Well done and a nice one too.
DeleteLovely. Makes me think of my mom's garden.
DeleteThats a great and true haiku!
ReplyDeletea tomboy
ReplyDeletethrough and through
dirty face and fingers
playing ball with boys
...and then one day
she softened
hormones howled within
her body began to blossom
her play
became less rough
she carried herself
like royalty
watching for her prince
and all the while
she knew, somehow,
how much her life
was worth...
Nice interpretation. Just as I intended. What fun!
DeleteBlossom from tom girl to power woman!
DeleteYou were already the latter by the time I remember you. I wish I'd known the tomboy you. Nicely done.
DeleteLovely effective use of alliteration - hormones howled, body began to blossom.
ReplyDeleteI only really stumble over one line - "became less rough" is flabby and vague next to everything else in the poem. I'd give that some more thought.
A big week as my karate studio is going (almost) full time again, so just to be sure I get one in here's an old kid poem.
ReplyDeleteSPRING LOVE
I look for love, some kind of sign,
a love for me, a love that's mine.
I look in every place I know
but only see my brother Joe
out on the porch swing with a book.
He pets Miss Kitty as I look
out in the yard. I look above,
a goldfinch sings. I don't find love
or anything. Some flowers bloom.
The roses smell like mom’s perfume.
I look again, and then I see
that love is here, a love for me.
I love the flowers, love the trees.
I love the goldfinch and the breeze.
I love to watch Miss Kitty play.
I love her colors, orange and gray.
I love the porch and love the swing
I love the warmth that comes with spring.
I love my mom and dad. Y'know,
I even love my brother Joe.
I feel the love that's in the air
and see that love is everywhere.
I like how the two different forms are like a the difference between a first look and a second look. I dont think you needed the last sentence.
DeleteIts funny ending on I even love my brother Joe.
Siblings know the love for a sibling cN ebb and flow.
I think I agree with Sue. "I even love my brother Joe" really captures it. Everything after is anticlimactic.
DeleteOkay. I agree. They won't let me edit a comment, so I whited them out on my screen. (-:
DeleteSweet poem, as usual beautifully written, with a nice swing to it.
Deletebeautiful! I liked it. It played in my head like Dr. Suess.
DeleteI am a dandy in your yard.
ReplyDeleteI fill the space that isn’t hard.
I am not loved by whom love grass.
I do grow quick. Be on your guard.
My gifts to you do have some class.
My yellow flowers are not crass.
My puffs to blow you should not miss.
My leafy base you should not pass.
A look around will prove you this
A yard of yellow headed bliss
A wink of time I will be there
A show of love. A random kiss.
My time is short. It is not fair.
My head will turn to fuzzy hair.
My puff is made for your to wish.
My seed to blow because I share.
I also have my leaves to fish.
I want to see them on your dish.
I love my parts I play for you.
I give you flower, food and wish.
I am working on scansion with Tad.
This is someone just starting to learn the concept of scansion, and only her second attempt to write a poem in meter, and she has it just right -- and only a couple of lines that feel forced to fit the rhyme scheme or meter. Remarkable. And a riddle poem. I like it very much.
DeleteI love dandelions! And love the poem. Describes them perfectly. And great job on the meter! I still sometimes hear things in my head in a different way than someone else might hear.
DeleteNicely done, and congratulations on the good work scanning. I love dandelions too, and did you ever make wine of the blossoms, I always did, every year and someone once paid me a large sum of money for an well aged bottle. Great stuff!
DeleteSue's mom - my wife, Pat - uses dandelion greens in salads and mixed veggies. Delicious.
DeleteOK, some picky stuff. The problem with writing in meter is, you're inevitably going to put in some stuff that sounds as though it's just there for the meter, and that weakens the poem. Here's an example.
DeleteMy gifts to you do have some class.
You wouldn't say "do have." So "do" is just there to give you a needed extra syllable. It would be better to fix it. And now the agony starts. Replace either "gifts" or "have" with a two syllable word?
My presents to you have some class.
I hate it. Somehow "gifts" are different from "presents," and one feels right and the other wrong.
My gifts to you display some class.
Well, it's better than "presents."
My offerings....
I like the word. But that's three syllables, and what comes next?
My offerings do have some class.
And we're back to "do" again.
My offerings display some class.
Maybe.
What if we turned the two lines around?
Though some may call us coarse and crass,
My yellow flowers do have class.
Now "do" sort of works. It's become a stressed syllable, and an intensifier -- yes, they do, even though some say they're coarse and crass.
And feel free to disagree with everything I've said here. I could be all wrong. But that's the process of revision. The hard stuff. That's why us poets make the big bucks.
And this is Tad, accidentally signed in as Arick.
DeleteThanks. Yes. I see your points. It is true I added words just to make the length.
DeleteIs Arick a penname???? I always like what you write. good poem.
DeleteI love dandelions, too. As children we'd make crown for our heads by tying them together... they were plentiful and we could pck millions if we wanted!! good poem.
DeleteArick is his grandson, Sue's sone.
DeleteWe all do it. Hopefully we catch some of it in revision.
ReplyDeleteit's blossom time
ReplyDeletein the country
where birds live in bushes
and sing songs
outside my window
so pleasantly
the foliage so fragrant now
with blossoms
wild roses white as snow
lilacs, purple as lavender
waft soft pure essence
in on the breeze
A sweet poem. My only suggestion is that "white as snow" is trite and I bet you could come up with a better image.
DeleteJust posted mine and read yours, we have a similar take on the prompt don't we? Like the images, agree with Victoria about white as snow, Ah, roses, how strong the little white petals are pursuant to their size!
DeleteI could almost smell the fragrances!
DeleteFollowing my comment on Tasha, I'd cut one thing here, too -- you don't need to say "with blossoms" because you're giving us the blossoms themselves.
DeleteJune
ReplyDeleteJune is a blossoming month,
blooming, booming with burgeoning
bigger and bigger and more and more.
Month of morning glories and marigolds.
Roses rampant assault the nose
their scent fragrancing air, sharing sweetness,
hither and yon, like birdsong echoing in the garden,
like sunshine warming gardener's shoulders.
The garden glows, growing her mantle
woven of petals, bright in the long day's sun.
Glistening in the glorious morning dew
June garden brightens heart and warms eye.
Lovely. The repetition really works in the first stanza. I'd like to see it come back, maybe in the last.
DeleteThanks for your comment. I appreciate it; you are one of the very few I can count on to do so. I'll give it some thought.
DeleteI felt like I was standing in the middle of a mature garden enjoying the warm sunshine myself!
DeleteI like all the play with sound, the alliteration and the internal rhyme. There's only one place the alliteration feels forced, and that's "roses rampant." And if you left out "rampant" you'd have "roses assault the nose" with the internal whole rhyme of rose and nose separated by an almost-rhyme ("assault") - to me a much stronger line.
Delete