I love the cat who had been selected to wake me. I like the form, the semi-villanelle, but I'm not sure "a paw softly taps my cheek" is quite strong enough to hold up under the repetition. And of course, I hate adverbs anyway. Well, not altogether. And I do think you need an adverb here. But maybe if it's not always the same adverb. Form should work for you - you're not working for it. Don't forget this poem tells a story -- it's moving forward in time. Slightly changing that refrain line each time could add to the sense of story. And maybe even switch to the past tense for the last stanza.
I love your villanelle. I could just picture your family of cats sitting around you on your bed with the "chosen" one tapping your cheek waiting for you to respond. Great imagery!!!
Bonnie, I really enjoyed your "villanelle". I will get used to the names of these form poems eventually. I like how you make the cats talk among themselves and deny waking you and then purr while they eat, thanking the one that tapped your cheek"
here we are, another chance to make thing right another chance to fight the good fight
what we do and the things that we say in the end will sum up our day and if we fail to make thing right some might say we lost our sight
seeing is believing, and we can believe in love for love is wonderful and lifts us above above the groveling hate that sickens our earth from people taught to hate from the moment of birth
I leave you with this thought that we all can try to live and love and not make others cry we travel through a place so grand and diverse so try to make a difference in others universe
I love your positive attitude. I agree with everything you had to say in this very lovely poem. Each new day does give us a new chance to make things right. Good job!!!
I like the idea of three stories rolled up into one poem. Each stanza is a story unto it own self. And the imagery is great in each separate story. So much so that you get a peek into a life. Enjoyed
Tad, like Linda said, each stanza is a story. I like that idea. I especially liked the last one where the old man is reading the story of King Arthur to his grandson. Great imagery. Terrific poem.
I really enjoyed this refreshing poem. I especially loved the last line. It sounded real nice when read aloud. Actually, I remember the day you woke up singing some kind of gibberish. I wish I could have helped you remember what you were singing but I couldn't understand it.
a lovely write even though the last verse loses the rhythm and doesn't fit as well as the other verses. what fun it must have been to wake up singing. i often wake up smiling but I don't remember ever waking up singing.
As I woke up this morning I knew my sleep was done, I looked out of the window and saw the morning sun. I saw the skies of azure, the trees of lovely green, the sight I saw was filled with light as bright as could be seen.
I sat and gazed upon it this morning I could see and thanked the day aborning that it was given me. I thanked the Lord in Heaven I thanked the angels too I prayed for all my kinfolk and friends so kind and true
I asked to be of service however I might be, I smiled and blessed the moment to know that I was free. I rose into the morning and moved along my way; how wonderful it was to be alive and me this day.
What a beautiful sentiment!!! Every morning when I open my eyes I thank god for another day on this earth. So I know what you mean!! Life is such a miracle and I always feel I'm living on borrowed time. Your rhyme and rhythm are right on...
Morning has Broken
ReplyDeletea paw softly taps my cheek
then more insistent as I ignore the
cat who had been selected to wake me
I open one eye see the sunlight
through the window and know it is time as
a paw softly taps my cheek
i slide my legs to the side of the bed
reach over and scratch the ears of the
cat who had been selected to wake me
After my morning ablutions I head to the kitchen
Where the cats sit on the table and wait
A paw softly taps my cheek
To remind me it is time to feed them
As they deny that any of them is the
Cat who had been selected to wake me
Purrs feel the air as the eat
Happy and content they thank the
Cat who had been selected to wake me
A paw softly taps my cheek
I love the cat who had been selected to wake me.
DeleteI like the form, the semi-villanelle, but I'm not sure "a paw softly taps my cheek" is quite strong enough to hold up under the repetition. And of course, I hate adverbs anyway. Well, not altogether. And I do think you need an adverb here. But maybe if it's not always the same adverb. Form should work for you - you're not working for it. Don't forget this poem tells a story -- it's moving forward in time. Slightly changing that refrain line each time could add to the sense of story. And maybe even switch to the past tense for the last stanza.
I love your villanelle. I could just picture your family of cats sitting around you on your bed with the "chosen" one tapping your cheek waiting for you to respond. Great imagery!!!
DeleteBonnie, I really enjoyed your "villanelle". I will get used to the names of these form poems eventually. I like how you make the cats talk among themselves and deny waking you and then purr while they eat, thanking the one that tapped your cheek"
DeleteHow lovely and clever is this! You have caught the repetitive of he cas together will the telling of the story. Good Job!
ReplyDeleteI Woke Up This Morning
ReplyDeletehere we are, another chance to make thing right
another chance to fight the good fight
what we do and the things that we say
in the end will sum up our day
and if we fail to make thing right
some might say we lost our sight
seeing is believing, and we can believe in love
for love is wonderful and lifts us above
above the groveling hate that sickens our earth
from people taught to hate from the moment of birth
I leave you with this thought that we all can try
to live and love and not make others cry
we travel through a place so grand and diverse
so try to make a difference in others universe
good advice Paul. we should all wake up ready to make the world a better place for others. I believe in random acts of kindness.
DeleteI love your positive attitude. I agree with everything you had to say in this very lovely poem. Each new day does give us a new chance to make things right. Good job!!!
DeleteLovely rue words and sentiments. Happy thoughts!
DeleteI actually have a pretty new one on this theme.
ReplyDeleteAPPETITES
A young man wakes up
wonders where
he is but knows
breakfast can't be far
it never is
a woman wakes up
thinks of coffee and beignets
it's snowing outside
she has been making love
to a man older than she is
an old man stretches
it's past dinner
but there are cookies
with his grandson and where
they left off
in the story of King Arthur
I like the idea of three stories rolled up into one poem. Each stanza is a story unto it own self. And the imagery is great in each separate story. So much so that you get a peek into a life. Enjoyed
DeleteTad, like Linda said, each stanza is a story. I like that idea. I especially liked the last one where the old man is reading the story of King Arthur to his grandson. Great imagery. Terrific poem.
Deleteeach wonderful vignette stands alone and combined they tell a story of life. love the images.
DeleteYes, nice enjoyable movement as the story and the poem unfold.
DeleteI heard someone singing
ReplyDeleteit turned out to be me
I woke up with a song in my heart
I couldn't remember the words
and I completely lost the tune
but a glorious feeling was with me all day
even though it was raining
and everything was drenched
I felt the newness and the glory of the hour
I felt new paths to follow
I counted fresh ways to go
I realized today was a brand new start
I walked out in the rain
the sun began to shine
I felt this was an omen for the days to come
sometimes things look glum
dark and gloomy with despair
but there's always a shining chance on the other side of dreams
I really enjoyed this refreshing poem. I especially loved the last line. It sounded real nice when read aloud. Actually, I remember the day you woke up singing some kind of gibberish. I wish I could have helped you remember what you were singing but I couldn't understand it.
Deletea lovely write even though the last verse loses the rhythm and doesn't fit as well as the other verses. what fun it must have been to wake up singing. i often wake up smiling but I don't remember ever waking up singing.
DeleteLoved it! Actually I thought that last line was rather a good wrap-up for the rest of the poem.
DeleteAs I Woke Up
ReplyDeleteAs I woke up this morning
I knew my sleep was done,
I looked out of the window
and saw the morning sun.
I saw the skies of azure,
the trees of lovely green,
the sight I saw was filled with light
as bright as could be seen.
I sat and gazed upon it
this morning I could see
and thanked the day aborning
that it was given me.
I thanked the Lord in Heaven
I thanked the angels too
I prayed for all my kinfolk
and friends so kind and true
I asked to be of service
however I might be,
I smiled and blessed the moment
to know that I was free.
I rose into the morning
and moved along my way;
how wonderful it was to be
alive and me this day.
Tasha, I really enjoyed listening to this poem. It has nice rhymes and beat to it. Also I like the way you describe earth...beautiful.
DeleteA simple poem and a true one, actually...
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful sentiment!!! Every morning when I open my eyes I thank god for another day on this earth. So I know what you mean!! Life is such a miracle and I always feel I'm living on borrowed time. Your rhyme and rhythm are right on...
ReplyDeletei like that you didn't over rhyme and that the rhyming doesn't feel forced so it reads smoothly
ReplyDeleteAgree with Bonnie.
ReplyDelete