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Wednesday, August 3, 2016
For Sale
From Meghan:
I want you all to sell something. Use your work to sell yourself, a product or service or pieces of yourself. I know it sounds like a business in marketing but I think we could all have a lot of fun with this.
I cheated a bit. This a poem I wrote a while back but is still in my "working" folder because I can't decide if it's a "kid poem" for my "The Ghost is Clear" collection or if not, what is it? I may take this to my writer's group on Sunday also. Any critique or comments would be appreciated.
THE GREAT INVENTION
I have an invention to get the attention of people all over the land. It breaks all conventions in all three dimensions. You really must have it on hand.
I know that you’ll buy it, so that you can try it and see just how great it can be. You just can’t deny it if you take time to eye it, you will not believe what you see.
I’m not going to tell you if it’s red, green or blue It’s beautiful, that is for sure. Its coming debut is way overdue you’re just going to have to endure.
You don’t have to know if its big or will grow You know that you want it, okay? Call in and get it. You won’t regret it. Order it! Do it today!
Oh I like that poem a lot! It is a really good kids poem in my opinion, though it does for a funny comment on advertising too. You are such a fine poet. I do have one comment: if you replaced so that with just so it would be smother, as in so that you will buy it as opposed to "just so you will buy it," I think for me the that is such a hard sound that it stops the energy if only briefly. Just a thought. (I removed the comment so I could add to it, the original is there along with my additional comment)
Tasha. Thanks for the critique. My only problem with that change is that I've been trying to eliminate too many "just"s in that stanza. There are already 2.
LOL. I love it. But I do have to literally LOL over the status of poets it reflects too. "puts change in her purse" is about what even the best of "non-nationally-known" poets can hope for.
For Sale: You choose-- But there's no choice, It's all the blues-- What's there to choose? Each way, you lose, Guitar or voice. You say you choose But there's no choice.
Ah yes, I do see what you mean, Well, perhaps you can recast that verse somehow. Here's a suggestion: I know that you’ll buy it, and then you can try it to see just how great it can be. You cannot deny it so take time to eye it, you will not believe what you see
Tasha, I think you are replying to my poem. Well, I KNOW you are replying to my poem. LOL. This is Tad's poem. But I appreciate and like your suggestions. Fixes my "just" problem too.
Tad!!! So good to see you out here! I'm glad we finally had a prompt that intrigued you. Or did you already have the poem that happened to fit the topic? (-:
Cats for sale! Cats for sale! as cute as they can be each has two bright eyes, a fuzzy tail and paws to pet you and me.
Oh yes they are adorable and sweet they love to sleep on laps and purr okay they're slobs when they eat and on you and your furniure leave lots of fur.
Well, yeah the litter boxes stink and the cats throw up on the rugs sometimes they pee in the sink and bring you dead mice and bugs.
You say you don't want one of the these adorable things but they're cuddly, sweet and cute all the love each one of them brings anyone's life they would suit.
Okay I guess I understand how you feel maybe something can be worked out between you & me let me make you this wonderful deal I'll give you $20 if you take one then it's take one & get one free.
Charming poem. And I can't find the one I wrote! I am so cross!!! When I do find it, and I know it must be here somewhere, I will post it anyway. Meanwhile, I love the efforts of those who posted.Nice job!
I cheated a bit. This a poem I wrote a while back but is still in my "working" folder because I can't decide if it's a "kid poem" for my "The Ghost is Clear" collection or if not, what is it? I may take this to my writer's group on Sunday also. Any critique or comments would be appreciated.
ReplyDeleteTHE GREAT INVENTION
I have an invention
to get the attention
of people all over the land.
It breaks all conventions
in all three dimensions.
You really must have it on hand.
I know that you’ll buy it,
so that you can try it
and see just how great it can be.
You just can’t deny it
if you take time to eye it,
you will not believe what you see.
I’m not going to tell you
if it’s red, green or blue
It’s beautiful, that is for sure.
Its coming debut
is way overdue
you’re just going to have to endure.
You don’t have to know
if its big or will grow
You know that you want it, okay?
Call in and get it.
You won’t regret it.
Order it! Do it today!
Oh I like that poem a lot! It is a really good kids poem in my opinion, though it does for a funny comment on advertising too. You are such a fine poet. I do have one comment: if you replaced so that with just so it would be smother, as in so that you will buy it as opposed to "just so you will buy it," I think for me the that is such a hard sound that it stops the energy if only briefly. Just a thought. (I removed the comment so I could add to it, the original is there along with my additional comment)
DeleteIt is definitely for children. It puts me in mind of thneeds and Dr. Suess. It got me chuckling. So grown up like it too!
DeleteTasha. Thanks for the critique. My only problem with that change is that I've been trying to eliminate too many "just"s in that stanza. There are already 2.
Delete"OUT THE WINDOW"
ReplyDeleteMy sister wrote a book.
You have to take a look.
It's filled with fine poetic verse.
She's been writing for years
and I give her three cheers
and hope it puts change in her purse.
"OUT THE WINDOW" is its name.
Number two is its fame.
"SOMEWHERE BETWEEN" was her first.
If you get a chance, purchase it.
You won't be sorry even a little bit.
And for more of her work you will thirst.
LOL. I love it. But I do have to literally LOL over the status of poets it reflects too. "puts change in her purse" is about what even the best of "non-nationally-known" poets can hope for.
DeleteI made an error in my poem that cannot be corrected. This is Bonnie's third book. WHERE HEARTS BELIEVE was her first book of poems.
DeleteTRIOLET FOR SALE
ReplyDeleteFor Sale: You choose--
But there's no choice,
It's all the blues--
What's there to choose?
Each way, you lose,
Guitar or voice.
You say you choose
But there's no choice.
Tad, nice to see you here!! I loved your poem. The repetition of the line "But there's no choice" adds luster to the poem. It's music to the eye.
DeleteAh yes, I do see what you mean, Well, perhaps you can recast that verse somehow. Here's a suggestion:
DeleteI know that you’ll buy it,
and then you can try it
to see just how great it can be.
You cannot deny it
so take time to eye it,
you will not believe what you see
Tasha, I think you are replying to my poem. Well, I KNOW you are replying to my poem. LOL. This is Tad's poem. But I appreciate and like your suggestions. Fixes my "just" problem too.
DeleteTad!!! So good to see you out here! I'm glad we finally had a prompt that intrigued you. Or did you already have the poem that happened to fit the topic? (-:
DeleteNo, I really wrote that to the prompt.
DeleteCATS FOR SALE!
ReplyDeleteCats for sale! Cats for sale!
as cute as they can be
each has two bright eyes, a fuzzy tail
and paws to pet you and me.
Oh yes they are adorable and sweet
they love to sleep on laps and purr
okay they're slobs when they eat
and on you and your furniure leave lots of fur.
Well, yeah the litter boxes stink and the cats throw up on the rugs
sometimes they pee in the sink
and bring you dead mice and bugs.
You say you don't want one of the these adorable things
but they're cuddly, sweet and cute
all the love each one of them brings
anyone's life they would suit.
Okay I guess I understand how you feel
maybe something can be worked out between you & me
let me make you this wonderful deal
I'll give you $20 if you take one then it's take one & get one free.
I've been trying to talk Karl into a 2nd cat. No go so far. Even for free. LOL.
Deleteha ha ha ha lmbo Thanks Bonnie!!! I needed that laugh!! Great poem...but I'll pass on the cat...
ReplyDeleteCharming poem. And I can't find the one I wrote! I am so cross!!! When I do find it, and I know it must be here somewhere, I will post it anyway. Meanwhile, I love the efforts of those who posted.Nice job!
ReplyDelete