My life has been a Roller Coaster ride. old age should come to me with kind refrain, as I have traveled up and down with pride
There's nothing in my life that I must hide. I've done it all, even danced in wild rain. My life has been a Roller Coaster ride.
Yes, and I take the blows and pain in stride. My happiness I really need not feign, as I have traveled up and down with pride.
All of my passions take me deep and wide. Many men have followed me down my lane. My life has been a Roller Coaster ride.
One faithfully stuck to stay here by my side, and circled round like blood in my own vein, as I have traveled up and down with pride.
We've watched the sunsets and the rising tide. Where we have been, we rarely left a stain. My life has been a Roller Coaster ride, as I have traveled up and down with pride.
Yup, life is a roller coaster ride. I like this for the most part but I have a problem with "as I have traveled up and down with pride." I don't get the feel of a roller coaster in that line, more of an escalator. It need more ... well... up and down I think. LOL. But because it's one of the repeating lines, I think it need more power.
Kind of agree with Vic. But what I like is how it develops, from self to encounters with men to finding the one man. It's not easy to give a villanelle a plot line.
I think if you changed, "traveled" to "jolted" you would have a perfect life's roller coaster ride. I am to understand that this is a "Villanelle", I looked it up and it is a form of ancient song. I can see it. I is a lovely form.
I love the pantoum. You did a great job on this one. I love the imagery in the line, "my stomach recoils in horror". I have only ridden the roller coaster two or three times in my life because of the horror and fear of falling off. When the shop picnics were at Waldemeer I experimented and didn't like it at all. I do remember now holding my breath as we went down the pouring hills. As an adult, I avoided them at all cost.
The problem with doing a poem, a pantoum in particular, that tells a story, is that sometimes the whole story doesn't get told. The girl was my boss's daughter, about 8 years old, with thick glasses and a total nerd. I really did think that if I road them all day with her that I would grow used to it. Didn't happen. LOL.
When I found out that they don't allow pregnant women on them I decided against them forever and I do agree with you about the pantoum form; the whole story cannot be told.
I think roller coaster rides are thrilling myself but I feel you showed a lot of fear in your poem. I liked the way you did it. And I agree with you two that you can't tell a whole story with those form poetries.
I love it that you took the "kid poem" route. I really kind of wanted to also, but I did have the roller coaster story that I do tell a lot. It seemed to want to be a story. And yes, they just get right back in line when it's done. But that's one of the things I don't understand, standing in line for an hour or more to ride a 3 minute ride. LOL. Nice job.
Paul, Good show! I really enjoyed your poem. The beat and the rhyme seem ace on. It is a real Roller Coaster ride of life! I especially enjoyed the 4th stanza where you "plummet down"...
I am impressed with all these poems and will add mine as soon as I can. I just read the prompt so I need time to think! Thanks everyone for your fine efforts. Paul, I love the immediacy of yours, Linda and Victoria, I admire how nicely you fit your experiences into the forms you choose.The Bar is set high.
My life has been a Roller Coaster ride.
ReplyDeleteold age should come to me with kind refrain,
as I have traveled up and down with pride
There's nothing in my life that I must hide.
I've done it all, even danced in wild rain.
My life has been a Roller Coaster ride.
Yes, and I take the blows and pain in stride.
My happiness I really need not feign,
as I have traveled up and down with pride.
All of my passions take me deep and wide.
Many men have followed me down my lane.
My life has been a Roller Coaster ride.
One faithfully stuck to stay here by my side,
and circled round like blood in my own vein,
as I have traveled up and down with pride.
We've watched the sunsets and the rising tide.
Where we have been, we rarely left a stain.
My life has been a Roller Coaster ride,
as I have traveled up and down with pride.
Yup, life is a roller coaster ride. I like this for the most part but I have a problem with "as I have traveled up and down with pride." I don't get the feel of a roller coaster in that line, more of an escalator. It need more ... well... up and down I think. LOL. But because it's one of the repeating lines, I think it need more power.
DeleteKind of agree with Vic. But what I like is how it develops, from self to encounters with men to finding the one man. It's not easy to give a villanelle a plot line.
DeleteHow about this for the third line: " as I have jolted up and down with pride" ????
DeleteI think if you changed, "traveled" to "jolted" you would have a perfect life's roller coaster ride. I am to understand that this is a "Villanelle", I looked it up and it is a form of ancient song. I can see it. I is a lovely form.
DeleteDISNEYLAND
ReplyDeleteRoller coaster terror looms high,
monster monumental immenseness.
My stomach recoils in horror.
I will overcome cowardice.
Monster monumental immenseness.
A small nerdy girl screams to ride.
I will overcome cowardice.
If she can do it, I can too.
A small nerdy girl screams to ride.
I grip the handrails, knuckles white.
If she can do it, I can too.
Into the depths of Space Mountain.
I grip the handrails, knuckles white,
we ride California Screamin'.
Into the depths of Space Mountain,
hold my breath, endure the seconds.
We ride California Screamin'.
Each coaster twice, no exceptions,
hold my breath, endure the seconds,
until Disneyland is over.
Each coaster twice, no exceptions,
we ride them, but nothing changes
until Disneyland is over.
Finally, we get to leave.
We ride them, but nothing changes,
my stomach recoils in horror.
Finally, we get to leave.
Roller coaster terror looms high.
I love the pantoum. You did a great job on this one. I love the imagery in the line, "my stomach recoils in horror". I have only ridden the roller coaster two or three times in my life because of the horror and fear of falling off. When the shop picnics were at Waldemeer I experimented and didn't like it at all. I do remember now holding my breath as we went down the pouring hills. As an adult, I avoided them at all cost.
ReplyDeleteThe problem with doing a poem, a pantoum in particular, that tells a story, is that sometimes the whole story doesn't get told. The girl was my boss's daughter, about 8 years old, with thick glasses and a total nerd. I really did think that if I road them all day with her that I would grow used to it. Didn't happen. LOL.
DeleteWhen I found out that they don't allow pregnant women on them I decided against them forever and I do agree with you about the pantoum form; the whole story cannot be told.
DeleteI think roller coaster rides are thrilling myself but I feel you showed a lot of fear in your poem. I liked the way you did it. And I agree with you two that you can't tell a whole story with those form poetries.
DeleteA Roller Coaster Ride
ReplyDeleteSo young, so fun
a child blooms in the sun
up and down, all around
It's only just begun.
The next thrill comes,
the senses are above,
it gives you happiness
with something to love.
Ride your ride,
to its destiny
'cause we have fun
when it's you and me.
Spread your wings,
so you can soar.
Plummet down,
then up for more.
Grab your friends,
hold them tight,
feel the twist,
the great delight.
You finally pull in,
you just can't wait,
to get back up,
to the entrance gate.
I love it that you took the "kid poem" route. I really kind of wanted to also, but I did have the roller coaster story that I do tell a lot. It seemed to want to be a story. And yes, they just get right back in line when it's done. But that's one of the things I don't understand, standing in line for an hour or more to ride a 3 minute ride. LOL. Nice job.
DeleteVictoria, thank you for the nice review. I'm really glad everything turned out ok for you. Paul
DeletePaul, Good show! I really enjoyed your poem. The beat and the rhyme seem ace on. It is a real Roller Coaster ride of life! I especially enjoyed the 4th stanza where you "plummet down"...
ReplyDeleteI am impressed with all these poems and will add mine as soon as I can. I just read the prompt so I need time to think! Thanks everyone for your fine efforts. Paul, I love the immediacy of yours, Linda and Victoria, I admire how nicely you fit your experiences into the forms you choose.The Bar is set high.
ReplyDelete