write a poem starting and ending with the line... she walked out into the icy rain
it can be form (villanelle - kyrielle - pantoum - etc) or rhyme or free verse... no restrictions on the form you choose. Just have fun with this and wrap a poem around the line.
Hi Guys, Paul and I got our poems and our comments in late. In fact, Paul was just under the line and got his in at 11:00 Saturday. You might want to go back and read the comments we left on your poems. Thanks, Linda and Paul xxx
ReplyDeleteRead and commented! Thanks!
Deleteread them wolfie and commented.
ReplyDeletegiven bonita's promt, these are two of my darker poems, written in the early a.m. gonna scare the kids at my next gig with them.
RAHNE OF TERRA
" cold water in the face brings you back to this awful place " - the magnificent seven - the clash.
she walked out in to the icy rain
just to feel a different type of pain
learn to love me
and my strange northern ways
all you sad claire's sammie's and fae's
come...there is a better world to see
don't be scared nice nicky
all you homeless kids
sitting out in the rain and sleet
with nothing to drink, or eat
all those pimps and clients for your body making conflicting bids
as chelsea pulled heroin
out of her soggy hat
looking like a drowning rat
with nothing to lose and nothing to gain
she walked out in to the icy rain.
" how soon is now " - the smiths.
holy shit! this is powerful! you should write more in the early a.m. Read it slow when you perform it at Bar Loco. Make sure they get the full impact of your words.
DeleteAwesome write. As Bonnie said, very sad and powerful
DeleteOh man...I got the chills...this is one of your best
DeleteSuch a good poem, and so real! You know the depths and write well about them.
Deletethanks bonita. oh, i write plenty in the early a.m. some gets burned and sets off the smoke detector though. had to smash it with a broom handle.....the smoke detector....not the poem ha ha - bar loco awaits tonight. got my guitarist and drummer that plays with brushes...just need some hot backing singers ha ha - " the rain falls hard on a hum drum town. this town has dragged you down " - the smiths - love - paul.
Deletethanks victoria. thought i might have gone too far...but remembered, you can never go too far in poetry - love and peace - paul.
Deletethanks wolfie. i should always write at 4a.m. with a pen in one hand and a bottle of australian wine in the other, with a smoke in my mouth. works wonders - your computer working again? - e mail me young lady - love - paul.
Deleteoh, i know the depths tash. five years on the road will do that. did i ever post my poem " down deep "? these homeless kids cost me a fortune in pizza and cigarettes. but if not me, then who? - have fun in glouchester - love and peace - paul.
DeleteSTORMY WEATHER
ReplyDeleteshe walked out in to the icy rain
to do the things she didn't want to do again and again
all she wanted was supermodel and actress fame
all she got was topless in the sunday sport
suppose that's fame......of a sort
she spent the last of our money getting a sunbed tan
despite her rabid evil selfishness
i was still a fan
she took my baby in her tummy down lonely lane
she walked out in to the icy rain.
" do you curse where you come from? do you swear in the night? " hazey jane - nick drake.
" ritual- ideas- relativity- only buildings - no people - prophecy - timeslide - place to hide - nudge reality - foresight - minds wide - magic imagery " - e=mc2 - bid audio dynamite.
" the day it rained forever " = ray bradbury.
dark and sad and well done. you didn't go off on a tangent as you sometimes do in poems like this and it held together well. from start to finish it is compelling.
DeleteDon't like this one as much as the other but still nicely done.
DeleteFor some reason, I pictured her killing the baby as I added more to the story...scary poem
DeleteYou will one day I know learn to forget about this aspect of your life or if not forget, lay to rest...another good poem however.
Deletethanks bonita. a sort of falling asleep on my poetry book and dribbling all over it type of poem. hard to stray from this subject - pussy cats ok? - love and peace - paul.
Deletethanks victoria. performing this one and the other one tonight. hope it doesn't scare the kids - love and rain - paul.
Deletethanks wolfie. she has five other kids and no idea where any of them are and couldn't care less. ironically she describes herself as " a mummy " on face book. there is a reason why two of her ex boyfriends have killed themselves. which made her laugh, of course - love - paul.
Deleteto move on i need motivation. a lovely library lady would help.
Deletethanks for reading tash - memories of things past - love and peace - paul.
She walked out into the icy rain
ReplyDeleteraised her arms laughed and twirled
splashed in puddles as water ran down the drain
sang of showers a sweet refrain
as water washed over her in a lovely swirl
she walked out into the icy rain
Listened to the whistle of a passing train
felt love for the entire world
splashed in puddles as water ran down the drain
She knew she wasn't using her brain
while with better judgement she quarreled
she walked out into the icy rain
Walked down the empty lane
flags left in the storm unfurled
she splashed in puddles as water ran down the drain
looked in homes thru wet window panes
it all felt so wonderful and surreal
She splashed in puddles as water ran down the drain
she walked out into the icy rain
This kind of reminded me of "Michael From Mountains" but, there was no Michael. I thought it was sort of sadly, happy though...
DeleteI love it that you took a positive take on the prompt. Icy rain is not easy to love. LOL. Nicely done villanelle.
DeleteNicely done and fun to read!
Delete" i'm singing in the rain, just singing in the rain " . a happier take on the promp than my dark stuff. well done bonita - love - paul.
DeleteThis is the "draft"iest piece I've ever posted here, but I wanted to get something out here and I figured if Paul F could do it, I could do an "on screen poem" occasionally. But feel free with the poetry critique. LOL
ReplyDeleteShe walked out
into the icy rain
not conscious of where
the road led,
just wanted
away, to be away
from everything
from his temper,
his clenched fists,
the voice that made her cringe
when it called her name.
So tempting to
turn around
seek warmth, comfort. She knew
he would be sorry.
He always was,
every
time, every time she
returned, forgave him.
Every time.
Not this time.
Chills slither down her back.
Not from icy rain
though it's drenched her.
From power,
as she looked around, knew
where she was,
where she was going
when she left, when
she walked out
into the icy rain.
awesome! I love it! maybe I should do more straight up on the screen poems to see if mine come out this good. maybe I over think mine.
DeleteWow, this is very realistic...I could see the whole interaction
DeleteBonnie, I don't mean I didn't edit it, just that this is the first version I saved. LOL.
DeleteA wonderfully well done story line and so powerfully put.
Deletethat's the spirit vic. no notes. no spell checks. no corrections. straight from the gut. there was a poet on the radio, who said he had been working on his poem for six months. it was awful. - take care now. love - paul.
DeleteYeah. but...maybe could use a little more. It's fragmented, nightmarish. It could be more fragmented, more nightmarish. Don't worry so much about telling what happened. She doesn't need to seek warmth and comfort both. Maybe she seeks neither -- something concrete. Maybe we don't need to know whose temper, whose fists. Remember if the reader will get it without your saying it, don't say it.
DeleteThe Icy Rain
ReplyDeleteShe walked out into the icy rain
and then realized she needed
to go back in and put on her
rain coat, and get her umbrella,
and then she thought about wet
feet and went searching for
rubber boots or rain boots
to protect her feet. and then
she remembered that she
needed to bring a book so
she would have something to read
while she was waiting in
the dentist's office, and she
went upstairs to get one and
then she looked at the clock
and saw she would be late
if she didn't hurry, so
she walked out into the icy rain.
I don't know if it was your intent to be funny but you made me laugh with this one. maybe because it is so real and I could relate.
Deletea strange one from you tash. but you are right about needing a book at the dentists office - love and rubber soles - paul.
DeleteI laughed too. Tight and funny.
DeleteLove it. Made me literally LOL and I could definitely identify.
DeleteYep, I got a chuckle out of this one, too. I could definitely picture someone scrambling about getting ready for the dentist on a cold rainy day!!!
DeleteYes, thank you all, it was intended to be funny. Glad it was enjoyable.
DeleteShe walked out into the icy
ReplyDeleterain with grim resolve. She had
seen worse, remember. She had been to
Srebenica, Rwanda, Raqqa, mad
with rage. She had walked out into
icier rains than this. Most likely
she’d come through this one. It was only
of the heart, the kind you talked
and talked it out. Just lonely.
she could handle that. She walked
into the icy rain. Like Frost, she might be
acquainted with the night, when doggedly
she would walk out in rain, and back in rain.
Surely this time she’d triumph. She
walked out into the icy rain.
read with awe! you left me breathless with this one.
DeleteAmazing as always. The repetition is like the icy rain itself.
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
Deletea chilly poem tad. in more ways than one - paul.
DeleteNice!...Great story told in this frosty poem!!
DeleteInteresting...sort of like a loop, where the person has to keeep on doing the same thing over and over, nicely done.
DeleteShe walked out into the icy rain
ReplyDeleteshe didn't feel the bitter cold
nothing mattered to her now
now that summertime was gone
she didn't feel the bitter cold
warmed by the memories of summer
now that summertime was gone
and the man who brought the sunshine
warmed by the memories of summer
tears mingled with the icy rain
and the man who brought the sunshine
was now, nothing more than a dream
tears mingled with the icy rain
the lovemaking that they shared
was now, nothing more than a dream
as her love tore through her breast
the lovemaking that they shared
nothing mattered to her now
as her love tore through her breast
she walked out into the icy rain
awesome write! the pantoum works well. beautifully done.
DeleteThank you! This was not exactly an easy prompt...it was, in fact, quite challenging! Thanks for the fun.
DeleteYes, it was a touch prompt, and I liked what you did with it very much.
DeleteWoops, yes, that was TOUGH prompt, yes. and you and Bonnie too are so good with those forms!
Deletei was the sunshine and the warmth wolfie......but she preferred the dark. and the cold - love and sunshine - paul.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you could relate. I don't know why anyone would prefer the dark and the cold...
Delete