Most of our prompts here are for themes or subjects, and that's great, but sometimes I like to do things a little differently -- prompts that focus on process, or different ways of approaching writing. We always come back to what's in our heads and hearts, and what we care about writing about, but sometimes a process-driven prompt can take us to slightly different corners of our heads and hearts.
So here it is. Write a poem that's at least three stanzas long, and each stanza is dominated by a different vowel sound -- a different assonance. I don't mean every vowel sound has to be the same, just that if you read the poem aloud, you'd get a slightly different sense of sound from each stanza.
I'll post one that I wrote this way to give you an idea.
LE SOLDAT ET LES TROIS SOEURS
ReplyDeleteAfter he woke up, no one was quite sure
what to do. They took him to a hotel,
nourished his new-formed consciousness with bowls
of soup, oatmeal, warm coffee, hot mulled ale;
still there was no spark. The oldest sister
spiffed up his pillows briskly, changed his sheets,
read him Milton and Dryden. The middle
sister slipped in beside him, lifted
her nightgown, and fitted herself to him,
but he lay passive to her ministry.
At that the youngest, whose habit it was
to sit back, or stretch out flat on her back
and watch her sisters work, began to laugh.
Her laugh was high and light, like a cat’s yawn.
He began to laugh too, like a banshee.
OK, this is long "o" (woke), short "i" (spiffed). short "a" (habit).
This is a very amusing poem. I love the ending where the younger sister and the young man are laughing. I like the prompt.
Deletegreat poem and an interesting and fun prompt! I am going to have to work on this one! love your example :-).
DeleteStrange poem, but then you wrote it so I shouldn't be surprised. I can hear the different sounds, but of course that is easier than doing it myself.
DeleteI see teens walk down streets
ReplyDeletewith sweet glowing skin and taut of teat
giggles and hugs
they meet boys
only just weaned from toys
hold sweaty hands
I seem to need it all over again
I look in the mirror like pages in a book
skin wrinkled, like a fluke in time
full breasts
start to fall
hair starts to gray
old dry hands reach
I seem to need it all over again
The art of age is the wage of time
to understand the way beauty stays
even through age
boys are always boys
they've just been weaned from toys
hold aged and crackling hands
I seem to need it all over again.
long e, oo, long a
Tad, here is another attempt using your suggestions.
DeleteI see teens walk down streets
with sweet glowing skin and taut of teat
giggles and hugs
they meet boys
only just weaned from their mommies
hold sweaty hands
I seem to need it all over again
I look in the mirror like pages in a book
skin wrinkled, like a fluke in time
full breasts
start to fall
hair begins to gray
old dry hands reach
I seem to need it all over again
The art of age is the wage of time
to understand the way beauty stays
even through the ages
boys become men
weaned now from different stages
hold aged and crackling hands
I seem to need it all over again
I like both versions but do agree it works better without the boys/toys ... this flows beautifully and the refrain line is strong and works well.
DeleteGot so much stronger.
DeleteThanks for the help, Tad!!!
DeleteAwesome job! I am so bad at hearing sound in poems. My biggest failure. And yes, I like the 2nd version better.
DeleteThere are two lines here that are amazing - and that you might not have found if you weren't trusting your ear and listening for the sounds of words. Those are "with sweet glowing skin and taut of teat" and "The art of age is the wage of time."
ReplyDeleteI love the poem. I hope you'll work on it some more, and I kinda hope you'll rethink the middle section of the first and third verses and the "boys/toys" rhyme, which is a cliche. When you see "boys" you're automatically going to add the "toys" rhyme. And tnat means if you don't use it, the reader is going to hear the ghost of it anyway, so you haven't lost it.
What if, instead of "toys," you found a word that had your dominant vowel sound? That would mean that in the last stanza, when you changed that following line to the new dominant vowel sound, the reader would hear two echoes - "toys" and the first word you used.
Another thing I like about this poem -- the way you used the three stanzas -- statement, opposition, resolution.
And I like the refrain line. It works all three times.
Assuming assonance and as if
ReplyDeletemy tongue ambled around
in a particular actual
ambiance, I would ask
am I always at attention?
No one is only occupied
operating on one osculating
opening, throwing oil over
troubled waters discovering
too late the trove of omens.
Finding in this instance
an ingenious inference,
if I could insinuate
an ipso facto inability,I would
reiterate in my inimitable way.
LOL. I love it that you used assonance to write about assonance. Unique perspective.
DeleteYou can have fun with this if you like extracting meaning. I enjoyed playing with the sounds. Poetry with the sculptural effects of sound is like a mobile sculpture, adding the motion of it to the total picture. Fun!
ReplyDeleteAwesome poem. Playing with words came out really cool for you. You're right it is like a word sculpture of sounds and effects. I like it.
ReplyDeleteHow kind you are to comment. I was hoping at least someone would. You're the best!!!Hugs, Tasha
DeleteWhat an inspiring site, it's always uplifting to see people come together to bring magic to their words.
ReplyDeleteI would love to have some constructive criticism for my stories. My site is www.brittanyjackson.weebly.com
Thank you for your kind words!! If I have time I will check out your stories. I have a few novels in the works also and wish I could find a way to get more critique too!
DeleteJoin us here and offer up your poetry. We would love to have more members. We each offer a prompt a week and go from there. We have a lot of fun. We are all very busy people and this is our recreation. Thank you.
ReplyDeletebutterflies flit by the window
ReplyDeleteas I sit and watch them play
their spirit lights up the day
like a gentle moonlit sky.
Flutter above the flowers bright
their wings never stutter
red and blue and butter yellow
silent no words they utter.
Out the window I watch the show
as butterflies dance and spin
they leave but still I grin
await for the next show to begin
I am bad at assonance. I here the "i" as in "flit" in the first stanza. I hear the "u" like in flutter in the 2nd stanza, but I don't hear any different sounds in the 3rd. Is it "i" again?
Deleteyour right i did screw up on the verses but as you said about yourself it was an exhausting week. in the end it turned into another out the window poem. i decided to rewrite the first verse
Deletebutterflies float by the window
as I watch them flutter and play
their spirit lights up the day
like a gentle golden sky.
Flutter above the flowers bright
their wings never stutter
red and blue and butter yellow
silent no words they utter.
Out the window I watch the show
as butterflies dance and spin
they leave but still I grin
await for the next show to begin
Sometimes it's OK to use the prompt as a jumping off point, and if it helps you find your way to a poem that works for you, then it's done its job.
DeleteBut that's not what I am trying to do. I am seriously having trouble with this prompt but intend on working it until I get it right. I know in the beginning, someone who doesn't post anymore said she used prompts for that purpose but for me when someone takes the time to set up a prompt we should respect that and work it as best we can. I will get it! I promise. Victoria can tell you stubborn I am about getting things right :-).
DeleteI had such a hard time with this. I really am bad at hear vowel sounds. Plus it was an incredibly hard week so I put it off until this morning when the new prompt is due (Hey,hey, Paul, we need your prompt.) So here is my pathetic attempt at assonance.
ReplyDeleteBaby awakens
face animated. She plays,
brand new day each day.
Little girl sits still,
imagines futures. Will she
fulfill her daydreams?
Boxed in mother wife,
talks about how she ought to
shock her spouse, go blond.
Old hands hold her own
life. No going back. Don't look.
No one notices.
this is great! you did wonderful. i can hear the different vowel sounds but also love the imagery and content of the poem
DeleteI'll bet you never would have come up with "Shock her spouse, go blond" if you hadn't been listening for assonance. Great, unexpected line.
DeleteI couldn't come up with a third stanza. Finally decided to go with this.
ReplyDeleteThe next step is the key.
Clever won't cut it,
Best intentions won't help.
Sex can get you there,
But it might be messy.
Rely on instinct,
Not so much on wit.
Dig in the earth,
Listen to music,
Fit your plans to it.
This is from Richard Hugo's wonderful book, The Triggering Town. The whole book is worth reading, but the first two chapters, some of the best advice I've ever seen on writing poetry, are here: http://ualr.edu/rmburns/rb/hugosubj.html
ReplyDeleteI mentioned that one way of getting off the subject, of freeing yourself from memory if you
will, is to use words for the sake of sound. Now I must use four lines from an early poem of mine,
simply because I can't verify any other poet's process. I know what mine was at the time. These
are the first four lines of the fourth stanza of an early poem called "At the Stilli's Mouth."
With the Stilli this defeated and the sea
turned slough by close Camano, how can water die
with drama, in a final rich cascade,
a suicide, a victim of terrain, a martyr?
When I was a young poet I set an arbitrary rule that when I made a sound I felt was strong, a
sound I liked specially, I'd make a similar sound three to eight syllables later. Of course it would
often be a slant rhyme. Why three to eight? Don't ask. You have to be silly to write poems at all.
In this case the word "cascade" fell lovingly on my ear and so, soon after, "suicide." I wasn't
smart enough to know that I was saying that my need to see things dramatically was both childish
and authentic. But "suicide" was right and led to "victim of terrain" and "martyr," associative
notions at least, but also words that sound like other words in the passage, "martyr" like "drama"
and "water," "victim" like "final" and "Stilli" (Northwest colloquial for Stilliguamish, the river).
Instead of "suicide" I might have hit on "masquerade," but that would have been wrong and I hope
I would have known it. I might have simply because "masquerade" sounds too much like "cascade,"
calls attention to itself, and to my ear is less interesting. What I'm trying to tell you is that by doing
things like this I was able to get off the subject and write the poem. The fact that "suicide" sounds
like "cascade" is infinitely more important than what is being said.
It isn't of course, but if you think about it that way for the next twenty-five years you could be
in pretty good shape.
Okay, I think I got it now... Thank you Tad for your patience and your help... :-)
ReplyDeletebutterflies float by the window
They do not preen or gloat
Makes me want to quote Alexander Pope
‘Who breaks a butterfly upon a wheel?’
They flutter above the flowers bright
I want to cup them in my hands
But I must let them go free
silent - no words they utter.
Out the window I watch the show
as butterflies dance and spin
they leave but still I grin
await for the next show to begin
Awesome. Amazing how I can hear it in other people's poetry but not my own. LOL.
DeleteReally nice.
Delete