Yes, what if... There are a lot of "what ifs" on our planet. I enjoyed. reading your poem very much. It will get the aloud treatment as soon as the football game is over. lmbo
I had to have been in a really weird mood. This was one of those first line and no idea where it's gonna go poems. If you're watching the Giant game, don't tell me about it. I'm waiting for my grandson to come home to watch it on tape.
somehow we lost our way and don't appreciate all we have and all this planet has given us. we take take take and give back nothing and complain when there isn't enough. thought provoking write!
Linda, This is a wonderful poem. It really made me think. you hit many aspects of our planet that could be but never will and other aspects that are and shouldn't be.
This a poem that needs to be read aloud! It really is a rant that would go over well at a poetry slam. I guess I've had slams on my mind lately. This is the second poem in as many weeks that felt like a slam poem to me.
Our lovely planet spins in the starry sky One among many, and yet she's ours alone Perhaps one day we'll venture out beyond the limits here, the boundaries we've known. And yet it may be that we must learn better just how to care for all that we have here or else we many not be allowed to leave this planet earth because of others' fear that we'll spread ruin everywhere we go. Thus we must learn to help each other live to share resources, and feed everyone, receiving in the measure that we give for then we will bloom here where we are planted and never take all that we have for granted.
I don't want to rip your lovely poem to pieces but, you would do better to make the first line: Our green planet spins in the starry sky. The second line would then be: one among many, yet she's ours alone. The third line is good as it is. Do you see what I am doing? I am giving each line 10 syllables. The fourth line would be : the limits here, the boundaries we have known. Fifth line just drop the "and". sixth line is good. seventh line is good except for the typo "many" rather than "may" . All the rest of the lines are good until the last two. leave a space between the body of the sonnet and the last two lines and you have 11 syllables in each line. This is easily corrected. Drop the "for" in "for then we will bloom here where we are planted" or the "here" and the last line drop the "and" and you have the perfect sonnet. I realized you wrote this in a hurry but I just wanted you to be able to fix it if you wanted to. hugs. All told I loved the gist of the poem. We do spread ruin everywhere we go!!!
Love the idea of blooming where we are planted. For the most part I agree with Linda's critique. Not that it isn't a good poem, but every poem can use tweaking and sometimes fitting a poem into a form takes a bit more than most.
So here is my little offering. I figured I'd do it quick because I've been busy with a husband who has a mysterious illness and who knows when I'll find time again! Cheers to all. Comments very welcome as always.
I am so sorry to hear that your husband has a mysterious illness. It is very hard to concentrate on syllables and beat while you are worried. I hope you will continue to offer your magnanimous offering to our fun project. We do it to add to our gift and our collection of poetry. Plus, it is a fun thing to do as a group. I can't wait for the weekly prompt. I wish it was a daily prompt hahaha. Can you imagine the collection of poetry at the end of a year if we did a poem a day for a year. Of course, that is pushing it for most people. Paul and I are retired and have the time. Well, Tasha, you take good care of that husband and I send blessings your way.
I was under the impression I was writing in iambic pentameter...er, not sure why that didn't come cross as correct...your first line has four beats, not five, each line really does have ten, just not all accented the same. The last two lines are definitely off, however I was in a bit of a rush...I occasionally tuck in a slightly diffeent accent as in one among many, which still keeps the same amount of sylables just slightly different accents. It make or an interesting hiccup in the rhythm too... because I was under the impression one could do this in a sonnet...Thanks for the kindly comments, and for your (collective) friendship. I do very much enjoy the weekly prompts--can't manage more than one a week though.
Our planet will nourish Us as long as we Remember to care for it.
Painted leaves and trees Landscapes alive with color Animals of all shapes and sizes Nights of starry moonlit skies Everything we need is provided To us as we cherish this place we call OUR PLANET
I like the first stanza best. And the concept of remembering to care for it. It's like me and house plants. It's not that I mean to kill them but I forget to water them and it has the same result.
Our planet exists in time a delicate balance unimaginable weight mass gravity a delicate balance a stopping point, a refuge a miracle sublime a delicate balance like trying to catch a radio wave whispering breezes of butterflies burning lifeless desert deep expanses of ocean mountains climbing toward heaven it is a delicate balance this planet
This is really nice for a free form poem. I especially liked the line, "whispering breezes of butterflies" it really goes along with the theme 'a delicate balance".
It took me a whole week to get to this, but I finally did. I started it several times but it kept turning into a political rant. This probably still is a bit of one, but I tried to pull out the pieces that might actually make a poem. And since Tad said villanelles don't have to rhyme anymore, I decided to try one.
Waters across the globe are rising Climate changes, storms, fires, wipe out towns. Our planet is reclaiming itself.
Drill away, build away, look away, parasites destroy the air, the earth. Waters across the globe are rising.
Trump claims it is all a Russian hoax, meant to hurt his business. Meanwhile, our planet is reclaiming itself.
My friend Howard jokes it's cold today, so the world is not warming although waters across the globe are rising.
Each generation we will lose land, people, fewer global parasites. Our planet is reclaiming itself.
Our grandchildren move to higher ground. Our descendants may need gills to breathe. Waters across the globe are rising. Our planet is reclaiming itself.
You do such nice job, and you are such a fine poet. I like the theme of he plane rel aiming itself. Very interesting. point! Thanks for sharing your good work.
ReplyDeleteSuppose Galileo
was wrong and
the sun really does
revolve around
our own jumpin' green sphere
to quote Lord
Buckley who himself
was the center
of his own universe
and knew it
so who is to say
it can't be me
at the throbbing heart
of it all
--ever think of that?
you as you dress
for work undress for bed
run on a
treadmill your two miles
in my orbit
your tides at ebb and flood
your solstice
I can warm your globe
or on a whim
might call for an eclipse
Yes, what if... There are a lot of "what ifs" on our planet. I enjoyed. reading your poem very much. It will get the aloud treatment as soon as the football game is over. lmbo
DeleteI had to have been in a really weird mood. This was one of those first line and no idea where it's gonna go poems. If you're watching the Giant game, don't tell me about it. I'm waiting for my grandson to come home to watch it on tape.
DeleteI like it, very original, and an interesting thought.
Deleteyou certainly make the reader think! excellent write!
DeleteTad, We read your poem aloud and it sounded excellent! I enjoyed the whimsical play with your poem. It was fun to read.
DeleteBeautiful metaphor of a relationship. And besides, you're a man, of course you think the world revolves around you! LOL.
Deleteour planet is a mystery
ReplyDeleteit's history is wild,
and defiled.
We've never had peace,
war will never cease.
Whores will always make money,
the honey pot, grows, under the table,
it's a fable. The pimp and politician
own the whores, blow up the stores,
Own our shores, dirty our waters,
with million dollar oil, soil
our daughters who seek the
quantum factors in the fifth
dimension...
Actors play parts in movies,
where reactors take them,
back in time, forward in time...
can it really be, on our planet;
Maybe...why not? Were the pyramids
built in a day? Some say, yes.
Some say they are a mystery,
there is history on Easter Island,
do we take a lot for granted?
what are hauntings? Is magic real?
how did our planet get here?
The third planet from the sun,
sentient life, men and women,
husband and wife.
we pollute, don't salute the flag,
we kill for trophies. We write wills,
to leave our stupid shit to children
who don't appreciate it.
our planet,
where we could have utopia,
where we could study the mind,
dimensional theories, where we could
be kind to one another and ,
share, food, knowledge, love
But... we don't...
somehow we lost our way and don't appreciate all we have and all this planet has given us. we take take take and give back nothing and complain when there isn't enough. thought provoking write!
DeleteLinda, This is a wonderful poem. It really made me think. you hit many aspects of our planet that could be but never will and other aspects that are and shouldn't be.
DeleteThis a poem that needs to be read aloud! It really is a rant that would go over well at a poetry slam. I guess I've had slams on my mind lately. This is the second poem in as many weeks that felt like a slam poem to me.
DeleteI love the internal rhyme, the hip-hop feel.
ReplyDeleteInteresting take on the theme. I am going to have to think on this one! A very bouncy, jouncy poem. nice job!
ReplyDeleteSonnet: Planet Song
ReplyDeleteOur lovely planet spins in the starry sky
One among many, and yet she's ours alone
Perhaps one day we'll venture out beyond
the limits here, the boundaries we've known.
And yet it may be that we must learn better
just how to care for all that we have here
or else we many not be allowed to leave
this planet earth because of others' fear
that we'll spread ruin everywhere we go.
Thus we must learn to help each other live
to share resources, and feed everyone,
receiving in the measure that we give
for then we will bloom here where we are planted
and never take all that we have for granted.
I don't want to rip your lovely poem to pieces but, you would do better to make the first line: Our green planet spins in the starry sky. The second line would then be: one among many, yet she's ours alone. The third line is good as it is. Do you see what I am doing? I am giving each line 10 syllables. The fourth line would be : the limits here, the boundaries we have known. Fifth line just drop the "and". sixth line is good. seventh line is good except for the typo "many" rather than "may" . All the rest of the lines are good until the last two. leave a space between the body of the sonnet and the last two lines and you have 11 syllables in each line. This is easily corrected. Drop the "for" in "for then we will bloom here where we are planted" or the "here" and the last line drop the "and" and you have the perfect sonnet. I realized you wrote this in a hurry but I just wanted you to be able to fix it if you wanted to. hugs. All told I loved the gist of the poem. We do spread ruin everywhere we go!!!
DeleteIf you pronounce "boundaries" as a 3-syllable word, that line scans.
Deleteyou are right Tad, my bad. I was pronouncing it bound-ries . Line 4 is correct as it stands.
DeleteTasha, I no nothing about sonnets. I read them in high school. This is a lovely poem. we really must learn to help each other!
DeleteLove the idea of blooming where we are planted. For the most part I agree with Linda's critique. Not that it isn't a good poem, but every poem can use tweaking and sometimes fitting a poem into a form takes a bit more than most.
DeleteSo here is my little offering. I figured I'd do it quick because I've been busy with a husband who has a mysterious illness and who knows when I'll find time again! Cheers to all. Comments very welcome as always.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry to hear that your husband has a mysterious illness. It is very hard to concentrate on syllables and beat while you are worried. I hope you will continue to offer your magnanimous offering to our fun project. We do it to add to our gift and our collection of poetry. Plus, it is a fun thing to do as a group. I can't wait for the weekly prompt. I wish it was a daily prompt hahaha. Can you imagine the collection of poetry at the end of a year if we did a poem a day for a year. Of course, that is pushing it for most people. Paul and I are retired and have the time. Well, Tasha, you take good care of that husband and I send blessings your way.
Deleteand sadly that's what too many do. take this planet and all it offers for granted as if there is no limit to what it can give if all we do is take.
DeleteI was under the impression I was writing in iambic pentameter...er, not sure why that didn't come cross as correct...your first line has four beats, not five, each line really does have ten, just not all accented the same. The last two lines are definitely off, however I was in a bit of a rush...I occasionally tuck in a slightly diffeent accent as in one among many, which still keeps the same amount of sylables just slightly different accents. It make or an interesting hiccup in the rhythm too... because I was under the impression one could do this in a sonnet...Thanks for the kindly comments, and for your (collective) friendship. I do very much enjoy the weekly prompts--can't manage more than one a week though.
DeleteCould also have the last line read "And never again take all we have for granted." Any thoughts?
ReplyDeleteI like the revised line better. The strong stresses fall on all the important words. In the first version, "That" gets too strong a stress.
DeleteOUR PLANET (acrostic)
ReplyDeleteOur planet will nourish
Us as long as we
Remember to care for it.
Painted leaves and trees
Landscapes alive with color
Animals of all shapes and sizes
Nights of starry moonlit skies
Everything we need is provided
To us as we cherish this place we call
OUR PLANET
I love the imagery and the entire gist of the poem!! You included everything on the planet in a few short words. excellent!!!
DeleteBonnie, this is really beautiful! I love the "painted leaves and trees, landscapes alive with color" it's so pretty! good job...
DeleteI like the first stanza best. And the concept of remembering to care for it. It's like me and house plants. It's not that I mean to kill them but I forget to water them and it has the same result.
DeleteOur planet exists in time
ReplyDeletea delicate balance
unimaginable weight mass gravity
a delicate balance
a stopping point, a refuge
a miracle sublime
a delicate balance
like trying to catch a radio wave
whispering breezes of butterflies
burning lifeless desert
deep expanses of ocean
mountains climbing toward heaven
it is a delicate balance
this planet
This is really nice for a free form poem. I especially liked the line, "whispering breezes of butterflies" it really goes along with the theme 'a delicate balance".
Deletebeautifully writteb. i like the repetition of the line a delicate balance. it puts perspective on the rest of the poem
DeleteNice imagery. I do have a problem with too many lines starting with "a" but otherwise, good write!
DeleteIt took me a whole week to get to this, but I finally did. I started it several times but it kept turning into a political rant. This probably still is a bit of one, but I tried to pull out the pieces that might actually make a poem. And since Tad said villanelles don't have to rhyme anymore, I decided to try one.
ReplyDeleteWaters across the globe are rising
Climate changes, storms, fires, wipe out towns.
Our planet is reclaiming itself.
Drill away, build away, look away,
parasites destroy the air, the earth.
Waters across the globe are rising.
Trump claims it is all a Russian hoax,
meant to hurt his business. Meanwhile,
our planet is reclaiming itself.
My friend Howard jokes it's cold today,
so the world is not warming although
waters across the globe are rising.
Each generation we will lose land,
people, fewer global parasites.
Our planet is reclaiming itself.
Our grandchildren move to higher ground.
Our descendants may need gills to breathe.
Waters across the globe are rising.
Our planet is reclaiming itself.
You do such nice job, and you are such a fine poet. I like the theme of he plane rel aiming itself. Very interesting. point! Thanks for sharing your good work.
ReplyDeleteReally like this.
ReplyDelete